Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Gaining Confidence

It might seem random to talk about New Year Resolutions in August but stay with me...

When this year started, I didn't set any firm resolutions. More like ambitious desires. I want to lose weight, but I don't want to go crazy doing it. I wanted to pick some things to improve on myself that might aid that ambition, but if it didn't happen, I wasn't going to stress about it. Gosh I have bigger things to worry about right now more than my figure.

Anyways, my main ambitions for the new year were to cook more meals at home, spend more time giving attention to my kids, and to improve myself, mentally, spiritually and physically. But again, if I only succeed at one, it would be being with my kids.

So today I want to talk about improving myself. I have a lot of things I would like to change: low self esteem, low faith in my talents, not speaking my mind, letting people take advantage of my need to do for others before myself. I could go on. I've been trying hard to communicate my wants and needs for myself, for me to see Cari again and not "Jason's wife" or "Ethan and Michael's mom". Although I love being those, it's not all of me.

The last couple of days have been a big step for me. I'm talking about my photography. I have a long way to go before I get where I want to be, but to get there, I have to start walking. I took baby steps on Saturday...and I fell down. But I got back up. I looked at where I went wrong and today I fixed part of it. I stumbled a bit, but I don't feel like I fell again. I have some people to thank for that. My husband helped me to see where I could improve. Many friends and family offered encouragement and belief in me. My mom helped by keeping Michael for me. And my in laws let me borrow their camera, which after handling, makes me realize I REALLY busted mine when I dropped it 2 years ago. So because of this, it is helping me build confidence and faith that if I keep taking steps in the right direction, I could really do something with my dream.

It was a long and exhausting day but I learned that I am improving myself and doing what I love and that makes it all worth it.

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